tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3015183155330967608.post4178788497699211218..comments2013-08-14T05:37:56.903-07:00Comments on psquared to the nth: Milestones in Crackheadedness -- Part Twop²http://www.blogger.com/profile/17000504448114915783noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3015183155330967608.post-63469877387172436752011-08-27T16:37:57.477-07:002011-08-27T16:37:57.477-07:00Your use of "retarded" and "gay&quo...Your use of "retarded" and "gay" had different reactions to the people in your head because they were different words, not because they had different meanings or because one was either more or less politically correct than the other. These people in your head weren't parts of you that had broken into separate, functional pieces; that would be true if they were trying to help you get through those roughest of times. No, the people in your head were a single construct that conspired against you. They were byproducts of a manufactured delusion and trying to make sense of them (then or now) reinforces the delusion.<br /><br />In the end, your delusions were awful and painful, but there have been times when you've suggested (on your blog and elsewhere) that the "people in your head" might have made it easier for you to wrap your mind around your addiction. I'm not sure if that is true for you, but I'd like to think that the higher functions of your brain knew to trick you into thinking you were sicker than you really were so that you could perceive of yourself as having hit bottom earlier than you might have without these "delusions."<br /><br />This stuff is all very complicated and there is only one person who knows the answer. Personally, I enjoy reading these posts because I am only now privy to thoughts that you kept from me and your other friends during these times of great madness. <br /><br />I want to remind you of something you said months before you tried to get clean. You said, "well, I'm going to stop using in the next few months and I know I'll be able to do it without much problem." That is pretty much how it looked from my end of things, but I could be wrong. Statements of fact aren't usually dripping in honesty when they're coming from someone who is so clearly rationalizing.<br /><br />Anyway, I thought I'd add a piece that you might have forgotten so that when I say congratulations, you know it means something more. I was there with you through a lot of what you talk about, so I know more than most people just what it is that you were going through. I could almost (almost) feel your pain and I could see your suffering. So, to know that you've made it this long isn't as important to me as the fact that you've gotten this far. That is clearly worthy of another congratulations, even in the same paragraph.TJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04194507632084940540noreply@blogger.com