American Idol -- Top 4

This is not the top four I imagined during the first week of the semi-finals. I figured Crystal would be here. I hoped Casey might survive. But I didn't see Lee or Mike making it this far. I had such high hopes for people like Lily Scott and Didi Benami. But this is what we're left with, so I guess we have to make the best of it.

American Idol -- Top 5

Last year, they did Rat Pack songs during top 5 week. This year, we've narrowed the scope to just Frank Sinatra. I was really worried about what might happen, at least until the show started.

American Idol -- Top 6 Results

I just wrote this in real time as I was watching because I couldn't be bothered to take notes and then write it. I hate the results shows this year.

At least we're being spared a group number.

Why are they having four performances without any of them being former idols?

American Idol -- Top 6

So, here we are at the top six -- a boring paint salesman, a generic high school student, a weird glass blower, a hippie-chick mother, an annoying father and a sexy construction worker (why did I not have any idea that Casey was a construction worker).

Zen and the Art of Looking for a Job

Today has been a test of my faith, willingness and humility unlike any I've faced in the past 32 months. A day where someone looking for a job has three interviews should be a banner day, right? Therein lay the test. How do I get through a day that on the surface looks ideal, but is really just a nightmare? And not only get through it, but leave myself in a position to have a choice of which job I want.

American Idol -- Top 7

So, here we are at the top 7. I have to say something about Alicia Keys being the mentor. When I suggested her in last week's blog, I had no idea she would be the mentor this week. However, when I suggested her, I wanted them to be singing songs from her catalog as well as having her as a mentor. So, I'm only half happy with how this week turned out in that regard. I'm barely half happy about how the week turned out in other regards.

American Idol -- 9 Becomes 7

I'm just going to make 10 comments about last night's incredibly boring and predictable results show.

American Idol -- Top 9 Redux

If I were really willing to follow the will of the universe, I'd probably just skip this week and move on. Just about everything is directing me that way:

First, they saved Big Mike last week. Even though I understood rationally why they did it, it's bothered me more and more as the week has worn on. Not only because I don't want to have to watch him gesticulating all over the stage one more time, but because I feel like in a season where only two or three people have even a remote chance of becoming a star you should not waste it saving someone that realistically should finish 6th or 7th.

American Idol -- One Big, Happy Family?

In response to a question in the comments section of the last post, I figured I'd jot down some thoughts about the relationships between American Idol and some of its alumni.

Like almost any other organization with subgroups (seasons) and a varied membership, there are several different dynamics that play out. Different people from each season end up having similar types of interactions with the show. These are strictly my impressions, with little to no real research -- although I will back up my beliefs with relevant examples. And as with any family, it's not always black and white. Some people show up in one group occasionally, while really belonging to a different one altogether.

American Idol -- Top 9 Results

It's time for one of our top 9 to go home and the producers have told Ryan that the results will be shocking. Nothing would really shock me at this point, but let's see what they got.

First, Idol Gives Back is back. I thought the judges were joking about those auction items but after checking out the website -- Idol Gives Back Online Auction -- it appears that those are the exact items available.

American Idol -- Top 9 -- The Lenin/McCarthy Songbook

C'mon, you know at least one of this musically challenged group had to google Lennon and McCartney to find out who they were. "Didn't we learn about them in history class?"

American Idol -- Top 10 Results

Sorry this is so late. I couldn't get to it last night and by the time I get up in the morning it's already late for you guys on the east coast. I will try to do better next week. Fortunately, it's just a results show so there's no real urgency.

American Idol -- Top 10

I was immediately worried when I saw that Kara was sleeveless again, but since they are introduced as they walk out on to the stage now she doesn't usually give us that big languorous wave anymore (and we are thankful).

American Idol -- Top 11 Results

OK. This is very late and it may be short. Last night’s show hit an exceedingly high level on the boring scale, even as compared to other results shows.

We must have paused and gone frame by frame for five minutes trying to figure out what was up with the bloody women in the audience. I was only mildly surprised to learn they were fans of Siobhan – Siobhanbies. This girl gets “quirkier” every day.

American Idol -- Top 11

There is a note at the bottom of the screen at the beginning of the episode here. Five ugly, ugly words: Recorded from an earlier telecast. Blecch.

So, the other difference tonight is that I’m working without a net (No access to the performances while writing the post).

[Aside: That reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from Mad About You, which was popular the first time I lived in San Diego. Jamie (Helen Hunt) is talking to her sister Lisa about Lisa’s irresponsibility:

Jamie: That’s the problem. You’re out having fun and I’m running all over town with a net.

Lisa: Who’s Annette?]

Tunnel Vision

It's impossible to come through the Holland Tunnel one last time (for now) without thinking about all the trips through all the tunnels and over all the bridges over the last 12 years.

American Idol -- Top 12 Results

I'll be really pissed about that stupid two-minute intro if they go overtime tonight.

I'm already tired of Simon and Kara being in each other's space.

Great. The judges' save is back. Sigh. (eyes rolling)

American Idol -- Top 12

Note: Starting tonight, I will be posting this as a note on Facebook in addition to posting it on the blog. It feels like some people are reluctant to comment on the blog, so now there will be two ways to give your feedback.

They did this big intro for the judges and Ryan for last year's top 12 (13) show.

When Ryan re-acquainted us with the big stage, he mentioned 450 screaming fans. I had no idea the crowd was so small for these tapings. For whatever reason (naiveté?) I was under the impression that they were performing to about a thousand fans. I did, however, know that the exact number of lights and cameras was "galore" so that didn't surprise me at all. And finally, he told us that this was a platform truly suited for a superstar. How many times do you think Beyoncé is getting dressed and out of her house to do a show for fewer than 500 people?

AI -- Unveiling the Top 12

Let's get right to it.

I wonder if Paula gets irritated watching Simon and Kara buddy up to each other like that.

I think they should have made Randy don a bikini for the picture.

AI Semi-Finals -- Top 8 Boys

This format of very little intro is difficult for me to get used to. I think they still haven't got the rhythm of the four judge format right yet. They may need to go to a 90-minute show when they get in the ten, nine, eight area this year. I don't think they will, but they should.

Here we go.

AI Semi-Finals -- Top 8 Girls

Well, it's only an hour-long show tonight, so already it's better than the last two weeks. That was a little bit of a weird opening. First, Ellen and Simon allegedly hate each other. Now, she's sitting on his lap.

AI Top 20 Results

I guess there will be a post tonight.

When will I learn to fast forward through these group numbers? And you know the ones that have never watched the show before (Crystal, Casey) have to be wondering what the hell they got themselves into.

AI Semi-Finals -- Top 10 Girls

I haven't turned the TV on yet, but I want to say this upfront. This season is a chore right now. Five hours of this every week is making me really grouchy. I like the semi-final format they used last year a lot better because even if the entire group of eight or twelve or however many there were sucked, you had a whole new batch to look forward to the next week. I am dreading this.

AI Semi-Finals -- Top 10 Boys

Thanks to the impending move, my computer is out in the living room with the television. That means I'll be taking my notes right in the word document. It could mean a superfast posting to the blog tonight. I guess you'll know when you're reading this how well the new setup worked.

AI Top 24 Results

Well, I didn't do results show posts last year, but I think I will just do a quick one each week to give us a sounding off place.

AI Semi-Finals -- Top 12 Boys

What the hell? Ryan, "This is American Idol" is sacred. Don't be screwing with it. I do not appreciate it.

First impressions -- Did Ellen come dressed to clean the studio? Even less armpit tonight from Kara -- keep it up girl. You might end up only being Hitler by the end of the season instead of Satan.

What was up with Randy saying the girls blew it out last night? Were you even watching dawg?

AI Semi-Finals -- Top 12 Girls

The first live show of the season. It's a lot of pressure. What if I'm not as sharp as I'd like to be? What if my comments are flat or sharp or pitchy? What if I forget that American Idol isn't all about me?

We get a little bit of a shock right off the bat with the new seating arrangements. Ellen's sexual harassment story was cute, but let's face it, this move was designed specifically with Kara in mind. Simon's leaving at the end of the year. They've got this season only to get his stamp of approval on her. It's clear they are trying to position her as a more lucid Paula. Let's see how that works out for them.

American Idol -- The Top 24

It's finally over. From here on out, we get to see everyone perform whether the producers like it or not. Minor catastrophe here -- I left my notebook in my desk and I'm not going to have access to it for a couple of days. I could wait until I have my notes back to write this, but by then the topic would be so stale, I'd have to change the font color to mold. So, I'm going to wing it. I'll write a couple of things I remember wanting to comment on during the show (which will amount to next to nothing since I have the memory of an Alzheimer's patient that just went through electro-shock therapy), then I'll just list the top 24 and my thoughts on them.

American Idol Hollywood Round Feb 9 + 10

Finally, the audition episodes are over and it's time for the fun to begin. I've said it every year (numerous times) but I'll say it again. Get rid of at least one week of auditions and expand the Hollywood round so we can see more of the group performances and the final auditions. Those are what separate the true contenders from the rest of them. And, there are plenty of horrible performances during both to compensate for losing the chance to see pants on the ground one more time.

American Idol Auditions Feb 2+3 -- I Love Cheese

Two nights of auditions and barely anything to rant about. I guess this will be a short post. Also, I am writing this from Starbucks (27th and 6th) so I will not have the benefit of going back to Tivo to remind me what my notes mean.

American Idol Auditions Jan 26-27 -- Hot n Cold

Technically, the title of this post should be Cold n Hot, because Tuesday's episode was the one that blew. But in deference to our second guest judge of this week, we went with the reverse.

This week we're in Los Angeles and Dallas, so there should be plenty of talent on display, right? We'll see.

American Idol Auditions Jan 19-20 -- Two Hours of Torture

Note: My spellcheck program wants me to spell the words likable and lovable, but I prefer to use the e in both.

I'm torn. On one hand, I'd like to write two sentences and be done with this post so as not to waste more time on what might be the two worst episodes of AI I have ever seen.

On the other hand, I really feel like ranting uncontrollably about what a disgrace they were. I'm sure you can imagine which path I'm going to choose.

Australian Open Preview -- Men's Draw

In different ways, the men's side of the Australian Open was the most and the least consistent major during the last decade. To start the aughts -- before Roger and Rafa brought stability back to scene -- the US Open had five different champions in five years (if you go back to 1998 there was seven consecutive years of different winners); Wimbledon saw four different winners from 2000-2003; Gustavo Kuerten won the French in 2000-2001, but from 2001 to 2005 there were five different winners.

Australian Open Preview -- Ladies First

Here come my predictions for the least predictable major of the year. Seriously, I suppose it's because it's so early in the season and some people start better than others, but you can get some seriously crazy results down under.

American Idol Audition Episodes January 12-13, 2010

I'm not a huge fan of the audition episodes. There are far too many of them and they are far too manipulative. They already know who the top 24 are when these episodes start airing, yet they waste our time with back stories of people that are going to be cut the first day of Hollywood week. I understand it makes for good television in some instances, but it's at the expense of people that could actually do better in the voting episodes if we'd ever heard of them before the night they unveil the final 24.

Tripping Down Memory Lane

Note: Statements made by the voices in my head are in italics.

Sobriety has often been, for me, one long episode of Samantha Who? (when a title has a question mark in it, putting a period at the end of the sentence looks weird so I am adding this parenthetical to make it less so). If you never saw the now-canceled Christina Applegate series, it's your fault I can no longer watch it. Oh, what I meant to say was, let me explain the premise. Samantha (C.A.'s character) is hit by a car and suffers amnesia. For the most part, she has no memory of her life before the accident, which is apparently a good thing because she was a self-centered, manipulative, vindictive b...person.

20 Idol Performances I Can't Forget (and Five I Wish I Could)

Idol starts next week. Yaaaay! I can't wait. No, I really can't wait. So, to prep myself for the new season, I've gone back through the last eight seasons and picked my 20 most memorable performances (and five I wish I could forget). The only real criteria I used is that I had to remember them. I didn't comb through the internet trying to come up with my favorites. I did use the internet to help me remember exactly when they took place, but that's it. So here goes.

Resolve

Up till now, I've mostly written about the past. But since the beginning of a new year is all about hope for the future, I'm going to take a crack at writing about that.

I'm not big on garden-variety new year's resolutions. I'm not going to resolve to lose 20 pounds this year (although...). Nor will I be resolving to exercise more. Nor watch less TV (yeah, right -- American Idol starts in 10 days).

Instead, I'm going to try to figure out ways to improve my life from the inside out. The big new thing in working out is strengthening your core. Well, if that's true then working on my real core -- my soul -- is probably equally important.

Medicinal Purposes

Note: Tonight's post contains somewhat graphic descriptions of drugs and drug use. Enter at your own risk.

Full disclosure: I'm all over the place tonight mentally so you may need to do some kind of intellectual lambada to follow along. The sinus headache dulls certain (I want to write "brainal" so I guess this is one of them) synapses, making it really difficult for me to express myself articulately and to hold on to one train of thought for very long.

The Sports List

The nice thing about writing a blog, rather than getting paid to write, is that I can write about whatever I want. And as I've said before, I love lists. So, today we have a list of my least and most favorite sports moments of the last decade (2000 - 2009). I'm going with my favorites rather than the best because I'm really only a fan of tennis and baseball, so I'd have no way of objectively ranking the best and worst of sports that I don't really watch.

If you aren't a sports fan, don't fret. I've only listed moments that in some way reveal something about me. So, look at this as more of a recap of significant moments of my decade, with sporting events as the back drop.

Counting My Blessings

Things I do well: sarcasm, sassy come-backs, really bad jokes, storytelling.

Things I'm not so good at: expressing gratitude, putting feelings like joy and love into words.

Make no mistake. I'm not the guy you want making the toast at your wedding, unless you were looking for a cross between Henny Youngman and Milton Berle for the job. I tend to get all "guyish" when I have talk about all the things we typically associate with the heart (metaphorically -- angiograms and clogged arteries I usually do OK with).

But I'm going to give it a try anyway. Practice makes barely adequate.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

I knew that crystal meth sometimes induced audio hallucinations. I had been hearing noises for awhile. But I remember the first time I heard her voice like it was yesterday.

We had just moved back to Manhattan from one of the dreaded outer boroughs. We didn't need to move. Our apartment was great. We had a backyard. The rent was reasonable, especially for two people. But I insisted. I was making too much money now to stay out in the boondocks. It took a full 30 minutes to get to midtown from where we lived. And since by that point I was taking cabs everywhere, I argued that it made sense to spend the money on our living space rather than on transportation to and fro. I never really considered that maybe Rafael (my boyfriend at the time) didn't want to move. As was typical during that period, I figured since I was paying there was no need to ask him what he wanted.

Flying High (Part Two)

It's been a long week and I couldn't bring myself to throw myself into another blog post today, so I'm cheating a bit. I am reprinting a letter I sent to American Airlines after they lost my luggage on one of my trips to California.

The story in itself is funny enough, but what's really interesting (to me) is reading exactly what I sounded like and what my thought processes were like when I was high. I resisted the very strong urge to take out some of the more embarrassing parts of the letter and I'm printing it in its entirety. Enjoy!

Flying High (Part One)

This is the post I intended to write when I ended up writing Brainstorm. I couldn't get into this without some preliminary exposition and then before I knew it I had written 700 words of prelude and it seemed really silly to try to switch gears at that point. In fact, I probably shouldn't have written that first sentence until I was sure that I was writing about what I intended.

My Five Favorites Things About the New Millennium

So I've been thinking a lot about how the computers are going to take over the world by the year 2025. Esquire says so, so it must be true. (The Techno-Prophet)

If you check the date on that article (December 2002), you'll realize that I've not only been thinking about it a lot, but for a really long time. For someone with horrible ADHD to still vividly remember an article he read seven years ago, that must have been some scary memorable shit. In some ways I'm looking forward to it (the computers taking over, that is). I'll be about 60 by then, but with computers in charge I figure I'll probably have my 30-year-old body again. And so long as they aren't rightwing gay-bashing computers, I'll almost certainly be in better shape politically than I am now.

Brainstorm

Before I dive in here, I want to explain a little for the uninitiated (those of you, for whatever reason, haven’t had any experience with crystal meth or meth users). Crystal Meth is kind of like an amphetamine on amphetamines.

The Very Best Songs of 2009

Here's part two, the top 15.

The Best Songs of 2009...According to p²

Note: Because 3600 words is way too much to ask anyone to sit still for, I'm breaking this up into two posts. We'll do half tonight and the other half tomorrow. Also, I'm only linking to songs that you likely haven't heard yet.

What a difference a year makes. If I had done a top 20(ish) list of the songs I listened to throughout 2008, not only would virtually all the songs be by American Idol contestants, the list would have been dominated by the songs David Cook performed during season seven. This year a full 50% of the list is made up of songs by non-AI contestants; and only two of the songs were actually performed on the show. Well, that's not exactly true. Katy Perry performed Waking Up in Vegas on a results show. Plus, I only downloaded the Jason Mraz, Fray and Lady GaGa albums after I heard them or their songs on the show. Still, it's progress. Baby steps.

Yours Truly?

The truth is overrated. That’s been part of my philosophy of life for as long as I can remember – probably since the first time I heard some nitwit finish a particularly rude, unnecessary and unnecessarily mean comment with “I’m just telling you the truth. You wouldn’t want me to lie to you, would you?” Yes. I would like exactly that most of the time.

True or False Idols

Note: Argue all you like, but we celebrated the end of the last decade (and millennium) in 1999, so 2009 is the end of this decade.

Here we are at the end of the first decade of American Idol. A look back seems in order. Who were the most deserving winners, in my opinion? I've ranked them in hybrid fashion, so that their rank reflects not only how deserving they are in relation to the other winners but also in relation to the contestants of their respective seasons.