Wednesday, May 4, 2011

American Idol -- Top 5 Performance Show

There was a lot going on at the beginning of tonight's Idol. For starters, why was Jennifer dressed like a school marm? Did anyone else notice the sign someone held up that said, “I [love] Seacrest's Side Part”? I don't know why that struck me odd, but it really did. And how about Sheryl Crow's hair in that picture of her backing up Michael Jackson?

After two or three seasons of screwing with the formula, we're finally back to having the top five doing two songs each. The last time that happened was season seven. So how did our heroes (and heroines) fare with two chances? Let's find out.

James Durbin (Closer to the Edge) – Was this bizarro James performing here? How do you even judge a performance where the singer doesn't hit a single note the entire song? If you're an Idol judge, you tell him “you're ready for stadiums”! Why? Because the acoustics in stadiums are so bad that no one will notice how dreadful he sounds? I've been on the Durbin bandwagon since day one. I love this guy. This was one of the ten worst performances at this stage of the competition in Idol history. Maybe one of the five worst (except Nikki McKibbin made it to the top three so she probably owns three of them). I couldn't find one thing to like about this. 50

Jacob Lusk (No Air) – For about the first 20 seconds I thought he was going to have a good performance. Then he went all Lusky Stank on it. They keep talking about his range, but to me he's like a scud missile. You have no idea where he's going to end up when he goes for a note. Sometimes it's good, but sometimes you feel your whole body contorting from the “swinging a bag of cats” sound. And Randy was just being stupid saying that Jacob has a bigger voice than Jordin Sparks. Louder maybe, bigger not so much. Fortunately, when they cast Designing Women, the Musical he's a shoe-in for Anthony. 60

Pretty hard not to get better from here, eh?

Lauren Alaina (Flat on the Floor) – Everyone watching with me tonight (and we had a bigger than usual crowd) agreed that Lauren was making a potentially disastrous move singing a Carrie Underwood song. But before we move on to her performance, can we take a moment to ask why the hell they thought they needed subtitles under Sheryl Crow when she said, “Look where I am. I'm here”? Now, back to Lauren.

OMG. That was freaking awesome. She should sing Carrie Underwood songs every week for the rest of the season. Her best performance of the year by a mile. 92

Scotty McCreery (Gone) – I'm going to be a little harsher here than maybe I should be, because I think technically Scotty did a very good job. I just didn't feel it at all. The performance was cheesy and a little bit awkward. Plus I didn't get anything special about this. After showing a lot of progress for so long, I think he's plateaued a little the last couple weeks. Of course the judges loved it. It was “a beautiful thing” right Steven? Sooo sick of the judges right now. 84

Haley Reinhart (You and I) – First of all, Jimmy Iovene is a jackass setting Haley up like that. It's ridiculously hard to go out and do a song no one has any chance of knowing. HOWEVER, I thought she did a great job. And I was kinda digging the song by the end. I can't believe the way the judges bitch slapped her. I spent the rest of the show after this performance seething and wanting to punch J-HO! Yeah, I said it. 88

James Durbin (Without You) – There were six of us watching this performance and only two of us liked it. Fortunately, one of the people that liked it writes this blog so two beats six hands down. This was far and away James's worst week. But this performance was exponentially better than the first. He missed some notes for sure. And his cry-baby theatrics can border on exhausting. But I really liked the beginning and the end of this. And since the judges are clearly trying to convince us he is the next American Idol, he'll probably get a chance to redeem himself next week. 80

Jacob Lusk (Love Hurts) – You know what really hurts? Having to listen to him twice in one night. Will someone please put him out of our misery? 75

Lauren Alaina (Unchained Melody) – Everything her first performance was, this wasn't. She was barely connected to the song. She seemed really unsure of herself singing it. The dress was beyond ugly. And while she didn't really do a bad job on it, she really wussed out when she had the opportunity to go big on some of the notes. She's lucky she has a lot of fans because this performance didn't win her any new ones. 81

Scotty McCreery (Always on my Mind) – So here we are at performance number nine and we've had only one solid A so far. And also at this point, I'd pretty much made up my mind that next week I'm fast-forwarding through the judges' comments because they literally nauseate me now. I needed some warm, flat ginger ale just to get through the rest of the show. By now I'm sure you've notice that I haven't said a thing about Scotty or his performance here. If I could think of something nice to say, I'd say it. Hell, if I could think of something mean to say, I'd say it. But this was as bland and dreary as it gets. Let's just move on. 77

Haley Reinhart (House of the Rising Sun) – SUCK IT J-HO! SUCK! IT! Best performance of the night. One of the best of the year. Might have cracked my top 20 all-time. SUCK IT! 97

I'm only going to do a bottom two tonight because I don't think they will actually tell us who the three lowest vote getters were. The two on the chopping block should be Jacob and James (based on this week alone). I have a feeling it will be Jacob and Scotty and that Jacob will finally, mercifully be leaving.

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