Tonight is the presentation for our final projects for the master's program at USC. I never wanted a master's degree before last year. Now I don't think I've ever wanted to accomplish anything more than I want this.
I've practiced for this presentation. I'm totally prepared. We've been working on it all semester. All evidence points to it going fine. But my stupid brain likes to concoct all sorts of scenarios where I self-destruct. And none of the scenarios is really likely (except maybe the last two). Since my degree is in digital strategy and social media, I'll give you a Buzzfeed-style post about what's going through my head today. Here are all the ridiculous things I'm worried will happen tonight:
That I'll be washing my hands in the restroom and I'll splash water all of the front of my pants, making it look like I pissed myself.
That I will actually piss myself.
Since I've been sick all weekend, that I'll throw up on my shoes right before I go on stage.
That I'll throw up on my shoes while on stage.
That I'll faceplant as I'm walking onto the stage.
Or off of it.
That I'll screw up what I'm saying and shout, “FUCK!”
That I'll introduce myself by saying, “Hi. I'm Petr and I'm an alcoholic.”