So, just to give you an idea of what to expect as we go through the month, I plan on using an instruction from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as my guide here. In the chapter How It Works it directs us to tell our story in a particular manner: What we were like, what happened and what we are like now. So that's my loose outline for my posts this month. Some posts may not have anything to do with my addiction and recovery, but for the ones that do you'll be seeing posts about those things that happened before about 2006 in the first third of the month, things that happened from mid-2006 to mid-2008 in the second third of the month and then things that have happened since 2008 in the final third. As I said, that's a loose outline. I may realize that I have more to say about one portion of my life than another and I'll adjust accordingly. But for the next ten days(ish), you'll be reading about the pre-terrifying times.
For tonight, a light, silly story from Thanksgiving 2000. This was the year of ecstasy. I was living in Philly at the time and we would try to find any excuse to go to New York and go to either Twilo or Roxy and dance and roll* all night. This was also when ketamine was still fun. I guess I should apologize to anyone that wants me to only describe my drug use as a terrible thing. It did get and stay terrible and I'm certain it would never, ever be fun again. But the fact is that from November 1999 until sometime in 2005, there were a lot of fun times. Ridiculous and reckless times to be sure, but fun nonetheless.
So, at this point in time I was dating this guy that barely any of my friends from that period of time even remember. He really never had a whole lot to say when anyone else was around. One friend refereed to him as the Prince of Darkness, so we'll call him PoD. In his defense, he was quite personable when it was just the two of us in my apt or his house. But once we were in public or anyone else was present, he became stone faced and stone-cold silent. Also in his defense, he was the guy that came downtown to stay with me the night before I went into detox in Philly. And he let me stay with him for a night or two before I went back to NYC after I got out of detox. AND, in 2000 he had an apt. on the UWS of Manhattan. I didn't know that when we started dating, but it certainly was a bonus. Background, background, background.
Day before Thanksgiving, we head up to NYC to go to Twilo (we actually ended up at Roxy) and then see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade because I had never seen it live (still haven't). On the drive up, the song Independent Women by Destiny's Child came on the radio and I mentioned that I really liked it and I wished they would start playing it at clubs. It seemed tailor made to be remixed.
We get to the Roxy and take our ecstasy while waiting in line. So we get inside and I'm starting to feel really good. PoD, on the other hand, is having a meltdown because a drag queen tried to speak to him. Apparently he was terrified of or hated (I never was clear on which) drag queens. I didn't even like to stand next to them. It's a friggin' gay nightclub. Drag queens come with the territory.
I saw things going horribly downhill if I didn't act fast. If there were other people I knew with us, his sullen silence wouldn't be a big deal because I'd just talk and laugh with everyone else. But it was just the two of us. I had to think quickly.
I grabbed him to go out on the dance floor. I figured dancing might loosen him up. After about ten seconds I realized that wasn't going to work, so I pulled my ketamine bumper out of my pocket and surreptitiously (probably not) did about four bumps. For the unaware, that was enough to pull me completely into another world, where I wouldn't have any idea if PoD was happy or angry or even there.
So, I'm dancing away and then slowly I start to get this really weird sensation. Someone is whispering in my ear, but every time I look over my shoulder, there no one there. I should mention that your hearing becomes really distorted on ketamine, so the music feels like it's coming from about 20 blocks away. And I'm dancing. Thirty seconds later, it happens again. And again, I jerk my head around. But all I see is PoD and his stone face. I go back to dancing. Thirty seconds later, there it is again. It's like clockwork. Why is this person whispering in my ear at regular intervals and then disappearing. I'm completely goofy from the K, but thoroughly confused and suspicious also. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. This goes on for about an hour in K time, but probably really two minutes or so. I'm really starting to get squirrelly but PoD doesn't seem to notice.
Finally, he leans in and says something to me.
Your song. Charlie's Angels.
Ohhhhhhhhh, THAT must be why someone has been whispering "charlie's angels" in my ear for the last five minutes. Thank god that mystery is solved.
[The mix at the top of the post is the Victor Calderone Drum Dub mix. Victor was spinning that night at the Roxy.]
*From the Urban Dictionary: Rolling – A term used when one is high on ecstasy.