Psquared Can't Be Still

Over the last couple years (if you've read my blog that long) you've probably learned a lot about me. I guess the first thing is that I'm willing to reveal a lot (not all) about myself pretty easily. But a couple other things you might know about me by now are that I have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) that is more than just a little bit difficult for me to manage and that I just forgot what the second thing was. Hold on. I'll read the first two sentences and it will come to me. Oh, right. I have a Facebook obsession. Come to think of it, you might only know that if you're my friend on Facebook. Now I'm not completely sure I've ever made that clear on my blog. Whatever. Let's move on.

[About the song: Pretty much I just like the title with regard to this post. 

But also it's from My December, which came out the summer I got sober.]

You're probably thinking that the paragraph above was just a gimmick to cleverly demonstrate that I do, indeed, have ADD. You're partly right. What I actually did there was just type out the shit that goes through my head as I'm writing every paragraph. What you usually see on the page is a product of incredible concentration on my part. The only real evidence (other than me saying I have it) of the ADD is the way I go off on tangents in the middle of posts about things that have very little to do with the topic of the post. I leave those in because I'm not sure I can really write sensibly without them. Now they don't always happen so it's not like the tangent is required, but more like once it happens if I don't follow it I'll never end up back on the right path.

By now, if you haven't gotten dizzy and gone to lie down, you're wondering what these two things have to do with each other (or even if they do – for all you know it could be one more literary cul-de-sac). But guess what? I have a point! [Insert Hallelujah Chorus here]

I bring up both of these things because their confluence causes this really silly byproduct. I try to meditate every morning. One of the things that distracts me from meditating is Facebook. If I can get to the meditation space as soon as I get out of bed, sometimes I can be ok. My mind will wander as it always does, but it will be a pretty straightforward wandering. If, however, I let myself turn on the computer monitor and check my notifications it's a problem. Because as soon as I do that, the Facebook neurons start firing. And then when I get distracted, my thoughts come in the form of status updates.

Oh yeah, it's true. I'll be trying to meditate and they will just keep flowing, one after the other. I've collected a few of them for you. I would have more except that usually by the time I'm done meditating I've forgotten all but one or two of them (sometimes I don't remember any). But for your enjoyment (or bemusement), here is the collection of meditation status updates:

• Psquared wonders if it's ok to meditate to Paul van Dyk.

• Psquared has no idea what a chakra is, but I'm sure glad mine are going to be in balance at the end of this.

• Psquared has a hard time believing that anyone is ever “comfortable” sitting on a pillow on the floor with his legs crossed.

• Psquared wonders how long I've been meditating so far.

• Psquared still isn't completely sure why/how regular bacon is better for you than turkey bacon, but I'm more than willing to believe it.

• Psquared thinks that “just quiet your mind” has the same effect on the brain as “try to relax” – i.e. the exact opposite of what is intended.

• Psquared finds that it's easier to meditate on mornings when I can't form an entire thought anyway.

• Psquared is certain I can't be doing this right or I'd be levitating by now.

• Psquared is really feeling centered this is a good day to what the hell am I even thinking now.

• Psquared can't believe it's only been four friggin' minutes. Damn meditation bells.